Living with Purpose at 31

Well, today is my birthday, and as is typical on birthdays, I am another year older.  I’m 31.  And, really, I’m ok with 31.  I have the most amazing husband.  I have the most amazing children.  And as I think on my life, I really love the station that I am in.  Wouldn’t change a thing about it…except for maybe my 2 year old jumping on the big boy potty training wagon a little easier!!!  (But, he’ll get it!  No pressure!)

But this morning in my quiet time, I was asking God that I would live my life with greater passion for Him in my 31^st year, that my choices and desires would be a pure reflection of my love for Him.  I want to see things the way He sees things.  And I want to love the way He loves.  And I want to say what He says.  I just want to be all that He has created me to be, living life in Him to the fullest!

And then I was sort of struck with a strange idea:  what if all Christians lived like that?  What if all of us (believers, that is) loved Jesus passionately…completely abandoning the love of self, money, status, [insert a jillion other options]…what if?

And then it hits me…the question should not be “what if,” it ought to be “why isn’t it?”  Why isn’t this true of believers?  Why is it that I get so distracted by things all around me…mundane things…that I fail to live like He has called me to live.  I don’t mean that I’m out doing huge, wild, crazy sinful things (I’m just trying to do the laundry), but the horrid news flash to my heart is that “whatever is not of faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23).  How many things each day do I do that are of Jane, not of faith in Him?  My reality is way too many.

The truth is, I’ve been saved long enough that I can produce lots of shiny, lovely, godly looking choices.  I can choose things that would never allow you to see that, at times, the only change happening is external change, not internal.  I can change my behavior, and I can fool you…easily.  I can volunteer for things at church, I can make food for someone in need, I can buy groceries for the food pantry, I can write a note to a friend, I can tell you that I’ll pray for you, I can toss out well-known and often misused Scripture, I can even share Christian blogs on Facebook.  But none of that means anything.  A lost person could do all of that stuff.  But somehow in America, all of those holy duties are the very things we’re expecting our fellow believers to do!  Those are the things “good Christians” will do.

But the real key here is not behavior modification.  It’s heart modification.  That is always the answer.  The Christian life isn’t about doing one thing and not doing another.  The Christian life is meant to be all about being.  It’s about what you are.  Yes, there is a turn from sin (i.e. behavior), but that turn originates in the heart.  When we get saved, it’s not that our behavior changes…I mean, it will and does, but only as a result of our having been changed into something new.  We, at salvation, become an entirely new creature…the old passes away and the new comes (2 Cor. 5:17).  Jesus replaces the dead heart of stone and gives us a heart of flesh that His law is written on (Ezek. 36:26; Jer. 31:33)!  Hence, the change in our state of being dead to a state of being alive in Him produces godly behavior, but it’s not the other way around. 

So often, I see blog posts shared on Facebook that talk purely about behavior change as if that’s going to make people truly whole and better and right and pure and holy and like Jesus.  However, things like not watching Downton Abbey, or not ever having a drop of alcohol, or refraining from ever entering a Starbucks again are not the solution for Christians seeking to live more like Jesus.  Walking by faith isn’t about avoiding sinners; it’s about being light in the darkness.  And any faithful behavior we “do,” is to immediately draw attention to Christ, not us.

When our hearts’ eyes are truly fixed on Jesus (Heb. 12:2), He allows us to see our own sinful selves and our own inability to pull off the Christian life.  And, the best part, is that He shows us all of His ability and sufficiency.  He is enough.  I’m not.  The rest of that verse about fixing our eyes on Jesus, mentions that He is the Author and Perfector of our faith.  He begins it all in us, and then He’s the One Who sees it through.  God is big enough and capable enough to handle all the behavior modification necessary in me and you and everybody else in the world.  God doesn’t need me to blog or share blogs. He doesn’t need me to help Him point out sin in every Facebook member.  Folks, people are vulnerable enough to read every single “Christian” post shared and then to try to pull off some major changes in their life.  And that’s not how either conviction or sanctification work. God doesn’t need me or my help or my good intentions at all.  But He chose me to love Him.  And He loves me.  I don’t deserve it even a little.  The only good I produce ever on my own is filthy rags…it’s all got to be about faith in Him.  The world doesn’t need more rules.  The world needs to know it can’t keep any rules ever.  And the biggest shocker of all:  the world doesn’t need to know more about Jesus.  The world needs to know Jesus.  We have to stop screaming rules at everybody, and just lift up Jesus.  He’s it, y’all.  He has to be the love of our lives, so people can see HIM in us.

Before you get mad and rake me over the coals about people’s blogs or Christian service, let me say a couple of things.  One, I know I’m writing a blog, and I am not always opposed to them.  Here’s why:  I’m all for believers equipping other believers to live in a way that most glorifies God.  I’m all for accountability.  I’m all for encouragement of the saints.  But, I am completely against Christians trying to take on the role of the Holy Spirit in each other’s lives.  That’s not our job.  The Holy Spirit does His job well and successfully.  Also, to make massive statements like “don’t watch a certain tv show” and trying to make it applicable to all Christians is out of line, I believe.  Again, the Holy Spirit is great at convicting each believer specifically.  What may be sin to one is not necessarily sin to another, and it’s His place to lay all that out, not ours.  (The exception here is if it is something specifically mentioned in Scripture…say drunkenness or adultery or something like that.  There is a time, a place, a way for sin to be confronted in a brother, and it isn’t Facebook.  God’s Word lays out how to approach a brother in sin.  See Matt. 18:15-17.)  And two, I am in no way trying to say that Christians don’t have things to do…we do!!!  Scripture is very clear about lots of things for believers to act out.  God has specific works that He has planned for each of His children to do.  Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”  So, let’s get busy with that stuff for sure!!!!

So, what’s my point?  Love Jesus.  Live to love Him more.  And when you love Him more, you’re gonna keep His commandments, not out of compulsion or guilt, but out of love, out of a complete life-changing heart transplant.  Faith without works really is dead (see James 2:17).  But works without faith is just busy-ness.

One Christian's Take on Halloween

The debate among Christians over Halloween seems especially intense this year.  Some stand firm believing that to go trick or treating is to teach your children to worship Satan, and others stand firmly stating that there’s no harm in a little costume and candy.  And, even though I am completely certain you don’t need another opinion on the subject, I’m about to give you mine!

Here’s my thought. There are some things in Christendom that must be adhered to by the whole group of us, the Church. For instance, Jesus is the only way to peace with God, Jesus is God, Jesus was born of a virgin, Jesus lived a sinless life, Jesus rose from the dead, etc.  And if you notice a theme here, Jesus is at the root of it all.  He is the deal breaking issue.  You can’t get Him wrong.  Jesus matters. However, there are other things that we, as believers, can differ on (for instance, sprinkling or immersion for baptism).  I hold to one view, but if you hold to the other, we can still be brothers/sisters in Christ.

In the same way, I think peace can be found in the topic of Halloween.  There have been times in my life that God was convicting me, personally, about something specific…something that He wasn’t necessarily telling some one else.  There was a lady in my Bible study class one time who said that God was showing her she needed to stop coloring her hair.  My response?  Well, ok!  And I was thinking, “You do that, and I’ll still be highlighting my grays away!”  Why?  Because God didn’t show me to stop getting hair color…He showed that to her.  Maybe for her, continuing to color her hair would end up a stumbling block toward vanity.  I sure don’t know.  But God does.  And as His kid, I know He’ll be the one to specifically reveal sin to my own heart as I need it, which is daily because I’m just a flawed sinner saved by His grace!   

And in the same way, I think that God lays things on our hearts as parents that He desires we implement into the lives of our kids.  I believe that He is the One enabling us to train up our children in the way that each of them should go.  Sure, there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors, but we better be careful who our counselors are.  I don’t need a counselor who will only tell me their personal opinion about an issue, say Halloween, for instance.  I need a counselor to point me to the Word, showing me what God has to say about the matter.  I think we need to let our brothers and sisters off the hook regardless of the hill they choose to stand on when it comes to the great Halloween debate.

So, here’s the Word for ya.  1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable.  All things are lawful, but not all things edify.”  So, here’s the deal from where I sit…we need to back up off each other.  It’s lawful to trick or treat.  It’s also lawful to skip it.  It’s lawful to give out candy and share the gospel with each little goblin on your doorstep (or not).  It’s also lawful to share the gospel at each door you stand on waiting for your treat (or not).  Here’s what’s not ok:  It’s not ok to get in each other’s faces, judging a decision that God has led them to make for the good of THEIR family.  I know we know it, but it’s so hard not to force something that God has laid on our hearts on someone else, as if God is telling them to do the same thing!  I think Christians sometimes have a hard time with this.  We are, most likely, just trying to encourage someone to a godly life.  And yet, what we are actually doing is trying to play the part of God, calling others to the life God has called US to.

So, what should you do about Halloween?  I sure don’t know.  Pray about it.  God will show you what to do for your family.  But here are some tips for a happy, peaceful Halloween:

          1)  Pray about it.  You can’t get God’s heart on the matter unless you’re listening to what He’s saying to you.  So, go and listen…with a willing heart.

      2)  Consider that even if it’s lawful, it still might not be best.  Remember our verse says, that even though things are lawful, not all things are profitable and not all things edify.  That means that everything isn’t going to be best for you and your family, even if it isn’t sin. But this is something, at the risk of sounding repetitive, you’ll need to go to God about!

3)  Don’t flip out over somebody else’s decision for their family…even if it’s your best friend.  You’re not the mother in her home and she’s not the mother in yours.  God gave YOU your babies and HER her babies, and they won’t be raised exactly the same.  It is OK if you do this differently.  It really shouldn’t be a deal breaker for your friendship.

And on the other side of that coin, don’t take it too personally if someone hasn’t read this blog and they still criticize your decision for your family.  Just let it go.  It’s really gonna be ok.

      4)  Some people will make a choice this year that is different from last year.  And that’s ok! Feel free to even make this decision on a yearly basis. Kids grow and change and that will play a part in the decision making process for each family.  Try not to set up expectations for your friends on this each year (and re-read this at Christmas, because I think it’ll still apply).

     5)  Christians “celebrating” Halloween should look different than the world celebrating Halloween.  We are in the world, but are not of it.  So, let’s remember as we choose costumes and our home’s outside decorations, that the world is watching us…and we really should look different. 

     6)  Use Halloween as an opportunity to teach and point your kids to Christ.  This is really the most important tip.  We’ve got to use every opportunity to share Jesus with our kids because the world is so great at telling them everything else!

Those are just the tips that popped out off the top of my head!  I’m sure there are others!  And now, because I feel like I owe it to you after bringing all this up, here are our plans for the night:  My kids are dressing up, we’re going to enjoy a family dinner, we’re buying the kids a bag of candy, and then we’re taking our kids to Disney on Ice (which I realize is a whole other topic for Christians to debate).  We have reasons for not trick or treating, one being the fact that my kids find no humor AT ALL in being scared…but who knows what next year will hold.  What I know is that today, this is what God has led us to do.  Enjoy today, doing what God is leading you to do!  Happy Halloween!

I Can Feed Monkeys With Jesus, Right?

I suppose there is a great irony in that my blog is called Raspberry Road and it seems like I’m always writing about the Raspberry’s being on the road.  Ok, actually I only wrote one other one about when we were travelling.  But truth be told, I really feel like every time we take a trip with our kids, I end up learning some spiritual life lesson…and, as you probably could have guessed, today's blog is about my most recent one!

“I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.”  (Phil. 4:13)  Great verse.  You know it.  You’ve got it written on that sticky note on your bathroom mirror. You have heard it literally a million times.  And you’ve probably heard it used most frequently when someone is about to go bungee jumping, or sky diving, or monkey feeding, or something sort of ridiculous.  I’ve even heard it used among Christians in basically the same context as a football player smacking a fellow player on the behind as if to say, “You can do it!!”  And bear with me, I’m just gonna throw this out there…but that’s really not what Paul meant at all!  If you back up a moment to get the context of the verse, you see that Paul says, “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:11-13) Paul isn’t saying I can bungee jump because Jesus makes me strong enough to walk off a cliff, or I can jump out of a plane because Jesus makes me strong enough to open my parachute, or I can go to the jungle and get close to wild animals because Jesus makes me strong enough to hand food to an ape, or even that I am able to do anything at all ever because Jesus makes me strong. No.  The point here is that we, like Paul, can live lives of abundance and peace regardless of the circumstances around us, and that, only because Jesus is our peace and our joy and our hope and our confidence and our steadfast One.

This passage had been circling through my mind for days before we left on our trip.  We were heading on a massive cross country trip to see family, and while we were on the way home, I became aware of how tired I was, how tired my husband was, and how tired my kids were.  You know that moment when everyone is just a little snippy and short with each other?  Oh, we were there.  And we were stuck in our car.  Together.  This was not my happy moment.  And then, to make the circumstances outside our car more like the circumstances inside our car, it started to rain.  I don’t mean sprinkle.  I mean deluge.  I mean the traffic that had been travelling at 75 mph, suddenly slowed to 25 mph.  I was not happy at all.  It was 9:00 at night and we were over 120 miles from our stopping spot near Atlanta, which had our hotel, already reserved and paid for.  It became absolutely apparent that we were not going to make it to our destination with 3 little ones (aged 4 and under) to that hotel room, to OUR hotel room.  Now, I was very unhappy, very discontent, very grumpy.  So, we stop.  And, we pay for another hotel room.  The next morning, with everyone feeling slightly less grumpy, we hopped in the car and headed to Atlanta…all we wanted to do was see the aquarium, stay Saturday night at our hotel, go to church as a family, and finish our drive to home sweet home.  It sounds so nice, doesn’t it?

Well, the aquarium was insane…really great and very impressive…but so busy you could not walk 3 feet without bumping into someone.  The hotel room, which we should have already been in on Friday, was flooded when we woke up Sunday morning…like, major flooded (due, of course, to the rain which had stopped our traffic the night before).  Church was a nice reprieve in the midst of our chaos.  And then as we’re finally getting on the road to head out of Atlanta, our traffic, once again, comes to a standstill due to an important muckity muck travelling through and needing to get to the airport…his name was Barack Obama.  Then once the president’s massive traffic halt abated, you’ll never guess, but it started to rain…again.  Sheesh.

At this point in my life, I was having an internal argument…the me in Christ vs. the me in my flesh.  The me in Christ said, “Jane, remember to count all these various trials as joy!”  To which, the me in my flesh said, “Shut up.  Absolutely not, you idiot.”  And then, you know that moment when God gently whispers to your soul and you have a dual response of saying, “Yes, sir” and “oh, I already knew that”?  That’s exactly what happened to me.  What God said to my heart stung, and I felt embarrassed.  How could I be so silly?  His words were the very words He had laid on my heart before we even left for our trip.  Here’s what He reminded me, “Not that I speak from want, FOR I HAVE LEARNED TO BE CONTENT IN WHATEVER CIRCUMSTANCES I AM.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”  Oh.  The secret to being content in every single stupid circumstance is resting in Him.  He had prepared me for the chaos of that trip by laying those verses on my heart before we ever left our home, and yet, in the middle of my frustration, I flat out chose to ignore Him.  How silly.  In the midst of rain, to ignore the maker of it…who does that?!  Me.

But, I believe I am not alone in working through this.  Job did.  And he too, concluded that God was steadfast and good regardless of the circumstances.  At one point, Job even asked his grumpy wife, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”(from Job 2:10) I don’t know what your circumstances look like, whether you have much or have little, whether you are sick or healthy, or whether you are even happy or not.  But in any case, God is in charge.  He’s in total control.  Your circumstances aren’t catching the Maker of the universe off guard. And the answer to having great joy in the middle of whatever life looks like is simple.  It’s Jesus.  It’s just Jesus.  Simple in concept, but hard to actually live out.  On the rest of our way home, my heart-cry was, “…you can have all this world, just give me Jesus.”  And, hopefully, the next time I’m stuck in a torrential downpour, I’ll stand, joyfully trusting the boss of the rain who strengthens us as we wait in Him.

And the Crown Goes To...

It seems like this week I’ve been in a perpetual argument with myself.  To be the holiday queen or not to be the holiday queen, THAT has been my question.  So, here I sit.  I’ve come to my decision. think I’ll pass on the holiday royalty.  It’s just too much. 

At the end of last week, I had my “to do” list made.  I was ready.  We would be busy, but no one should worry because I had it all under control.  Birthday parties, church, Awana, school, and school parties, teach, clean house, catch up on laundry, make the last run to Sam’s…It was completely do-able.  But, then, all of a sudden, life happened.  Chloe got sick.  We had to miss church.  Caleb got sick.  I got sick.  Sick.  Sick.  Sick.  And even as I cough as I type, I am sort of sickened even by the idea of everyone being sick during the holidays.  For heaven’s sake, not during the holidays!!!! 

And then I hear myself.  “For heaven’s sake”????  Seriously?  Who do I think I am?!  I know that EVERY good and perfect gift is from above, from my heavenly Father, Who knows how to give very good gifts to His kids.  So, now I have a choice to make.  I can wallow in my sorrow over a lack of Martha Stewart-ism in my Thanksgiving or I can rest in my sovereign God.  And, guess what?    I think I’ll rest.  By being sick, He gave me special, individual time with each of my kids.  Precious, priceless snuggles that, in all my bare honesty, would not have happened if I were still in operational holiday mode.  And, that is something I am very thankful for.  Some things matter.  Some things don’t. 

And, truth be told, I don’t think God is concerned this Thanksgiving about how the well the turkey gets brined or roasted or fried.  I don’t think He is concerned with our table settings or how many pumpkins were used to make the house festive.  I don’t think He is concerned how quickly the tree goes up after the big turkey dinner is over or how well we nap or how the game goes.  I think our Father desires that our focus be on Him.  I don’t even think He wants us to focus on the gifts He’s given.  Goodness knows, we’ve all been blessed far beyond measure and have much to be thankful for.  Our families, friends, homes, food, and a million other things are all way more than we deserve.  I think He desires that we focus on Him, the giver of all the things we have to be thankful for.  He gave.  He provided.  He healed.  He ________ (you fill in). 

Were we to pause and think on it, I know we would find that His goodness is completely overwhelming.  So, in this moment, I affirm with those around the throne, saying “’Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever.  Amen.’” (Revelation 7:12)   

And, of course, I’ll still try to accomplish my list of stuff to do, but I think I’ll stop sweating it and enjoy the day.  Some things matter, and some things just don’t.  And the holiday queen crown goes to…not me.

Some trust in horses, Some trust in chariots, and Some trust in stress-relieving face soap

Well, well, well, it’s nice to sit and blog again.  It’s been awhile!  But in my defense, things have been really busy!!!  God has moved us from Arkansas to South Carolina, and we have stayed busy prepping for the move, making the move, and settling in!  We love it here and know with great confidence and certainty that we are exactly where God wants us to be, and for that, we are VERY thankful!!!

At the beginning of October, we took a trip back to Arkansas for a family visit and to celebrate Josh’s grandmother’s birthday!  It was such a blessing to see everyone, and God multiplied the time, allowing us to squeeze in a good visit in just a few days.  The drive from Arkansas to our home in South Carolina is approximately 12 hours.  However, we have a four year old, two year old, and one year old, which means, it can not only take us quite a bit longer than 12 hours, but it can also be substantially more stressful.  So we usually have to take it in 2 days.

On our last night in Arkansas, Lydia (2 yrs) started coughing throughout the night, but we dismissed it as a random allergy thing.  After a very long day of driving (which included a carsick kid), we arrived at our Georgia hotel late at night, and we really felt certain at this point that Lydia’s cough was over because she hadn’t coughed at all that day.  Unfortunately we were so wrong.  As soon as she was tucked in bed she began coughing again, even to the point of throwing up a few times.  And, guys, this happened all night long, in spite of our giving her allergy medicine.  By morning, we were beyond exhausted and had to hurry to pack up and hit the road again to get home. 

As I hurried to go take my shower because check-out time was fast approaching, I see the complimentary face soap laying on the counter, and I had to giggle to myself because this was no ordinary face soap…this was stress-relieving face soap!!!  Perfect!  This was just what I needed before rushing to pack up and check out only to cram myself into a confined space with three very young and very tired children, one of whom had hardly slept at all!  So, as anyone with a brain would do and with much anticipation, I used it!  And though I really knew what would happen, I found myself slightly disappointed that it did absolutely nothing.  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  I mean, my face did get clean, but the soap didn’t make Lydia feel rested, it did not pack our bags, it did not hurry to feed the kids a continental breakfast, or fix their hair, or resolve the big issue over the girls’ hair bows, or re-fix their hair, or change the last minute diaper; it did not help the children come to an agreement on what movie to watch in the car; it did not even help the fog over my mind lift so I could think!  The soap was stupid.  It was worthless.  And it made me think. 

How often do I place my trust in something pointless, stupid, and worthless, just hoping it will bring me rest?!  Psalm 20:7 says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”  What are you trusting today?  No amount of soap is going to wash away your stress.  No horse or chariot will save you from your stressors.  Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your burden on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.”  Circumstances around you can easily make you feel shaken, but if you stand in Christ alone, you are NOT shaken in the midst of your troubles because He is not moved.  So, go on, cast it over to Him…He can take it!

5 Years Ago Today, My Emma Died

5 years ago today, my Emma died. 

5 years ago today, I felt Emma’s last movements and heard my little one’s final heartbeats.

5 years ago today, I was told that my daughter had just died. And, the realization began to set in that my daughter would not, in this world, ever see my face or feel my arms around her.  However, though she does not know what I look like, she has looked into the face of Jesus.  While she has not known my arms holding her, she knows the embrace of the King.  And for that, I rejoice.

Tomorrow is Emma’s birthday.  5 years ago, I labored.  I delivered.  And there was a silent room.  I did not hear her cries.  And for my lifetime, I will not hear her sweet voice calling me “Mommy” or saying that she loves me.  But for all eternity, she will sing to her heavenly Father and praise Him perfectly in love.  While I do not sing her lullabies at bedtime, she is able to rejoice with the angelic choirs praising our amazing, eternal, sovereign Savior. And for that, I rejoice.

Monday will mark 5 years since the day I rode away from the hospital with an empty car, no baby to take home.  But the truth is, she was already home.  She was already in her true home…already in my true home too.  And for that, I rejoice.

So, 5 years later, I will rejoice.  I will make her birthday dessert, and I will cry.  And as I do, I will rejoice in my good, faithful God, Who has carried Josh and me as we have walked through the valley of the shadow of death (See Ps. 23:4; 28:9).  It would have been easy to fall into depression and despair, yet I will say with David:  “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”  (Psalm 27:13)  Our God is so very good.  In the midst of our lives whether in a trial or not, He is unchanging, unwavering, loving, faithful, gracious, strong, peace-giving, trustworthy, and a million other adjectives that would still be inadequate to describe Him.  Our God is awesome.  He alone is able to work all of the circumstances of our lives for our best and His glory (See Rom. 8:28).

I do not know the matters of your heart, but join me.  Rest in Him today.  Rejoice in Him today.  Yes, grieve what needs to be grieved over, but in it, rejoice in Him, just Him. Because He really is beautiful.

Take heart.  Lay down your burden.  Rejoice.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” Phil. 4:4

The Ministry of Marriage

So, the other day, I was watching some talk show on tv, which I had never seen before and have not watched since, and on it, they were discussing how shocked they were to see statistics showing that couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who do not.  They went on to say that personally they felt that this “practice” time would be so beneficial to a relationship.  One host even went on to say that he preferred living together outside of marriage because it provides “an out” in case a fire breaks out in the relationship.  Then later in the week, one of our youth at church asked with great seriousness, “What happened to marriage?  I have never seen a marriage work the way the Bible talks about it.”  Then a few days later, another youth told me that she is trusting God for a biblical marriage someday, even though she has never seen one displayed in her home or her friends’ homes. 

What is going on?!  What is happening?!  Why don’t students, who, by the way, are practically marrying age, have any idea what a biblical marriage is?!  It occurs to me that the definition of marriage has changed.  It is no longer an institution designed and established by God for the purpose of demonstrating a picture of Christ and the Church, among other attributes of God, like love, faithfulness, patience, etc., but it is instead a highly sensible, very practical living arrangement between two individuals who get along very well in a functional capacity.  Our culture has redefined marriage as “roommates with benefits.”  And what’s terribly worse, is that this redefinition is taking over how young couples and teens view marriage.  The biblical, God-given definition is becoming muddled by worldliness. 

I really think it’s time for Christian couples to rise up and step into the roles that God has designed for a husband and a wife.  God should be being glorified in your marriage, and if He is not, there’s a problem somewhere.  Ephesians 5:22-33 is so familiar, and is certainly not the only passage in Scripture where God discusses marriage, but I’m gonna use it because it is so pertinent.  It says,

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.  FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.  This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.  Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Wives, our job is to operate with such submission to our OWN husbands as though we are submitting to the Lord Himself.  Your husband is not God, nor is he your God, but he is your God-given authority, and as such you should submit to him.  This is not a submission that applies to any other man than your husband.  So if your pastor says you need to volunteer for something and your husband says not to, do what your husband says, and then don’t go and compare the two men.  Your husband is YOUR husband.  He alone will be directed by God for your lives together.  He alone will be making decisions out of love for you.  Biblical submission on the part of the wife, results in great respect and trust of your husband, just as it does when we walk in obedience to the Lord.  

Husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, keeping their wives from sin.  This is exactly what Jesus did for His bride.  And the man’s nourishing and cherishing of his wife, secures her in his love and enables her to operate in biblical submission.  Godly love from the husband leads the woman easily to a place of submission.  Jesus’s sacrificial love for the Church enables us to trust Him fully in His leadership in our lives.  We know He loves us because He shows us.  And so He is easy to obey because we know His leading is for our best and is out of love. 

So let’s do it!  Let’s reclaim marriage for what God designed it to be!  Let’s teach the future generations how God says marriage works best!  I realize that most of what’s been mentioned here is not new to the majority of you.  But I just wanted to offer a reminder to live out what you know.  Future generations are watching us.  Would the young people observing your marriage be able to say that they have seen a picture of Christ and the Church when they see you and your husband?  So, final thought, the ministry of marriage is, yes, absolutely to your spouse, but there is also a ministry that comes with marriage that teaches the young observers all around us how marriage glorifies God.