Lamentations and Mercies for Mommies

Have you ever read the book of Lamentations?  If not, read it!  In a very bizarre way, some of it really reminds me of motherhood.  Occasionally, if I am being honest, being a mommy can feel a little like I’ve been taken captive and forced into servitude by a group of small people who often don’t seem to speak the same language as me, but who have huge expectations and demands from me.  I mean, verses like, “…she who was a princess among the provinces has become a forced laborer” (1:1) and “All her majesty has departed…” (1:6) and “The adversary has stretched out his hand over all her precious things…” (1:10) sound a lot like my life!

You see, somewhere in my childhood, I formed a picture in my mind of what it would be like to be a mommy.  It looked something like this:  motherhood would be always fun, always cuddly, always clean, always simple, and always easy.  There would be easy-to-solve problems that would all end in a sort of Cosby-meets-Family Ties kind of way.  My children would live to please me out of their great admiration and love (of me).  I would have always bathed obviously and be dressed very fashion-forward (in my unaffected-by-child-bearing-body), and would have ultimately learned how to tame my curly hair.  My space and my things would stay mine unless, of course, I was feeling generous. Things would be so ideal that even the little trials of daily life would be humorous and cute, bordering adorable. 

Not only is that cheesy, ridiculous, and completely false, it’s nauseating! I apologize for the “quease” factor.  But for one reason or another, as I grew up, that ideology never really changed, which is probably why I was shocked when reality struck.

Do you remember how much you wanted your babies before you ever had them?  I do.  Every month I waited to see if I was pregnant.  I wept when I wasn’t.  And great tears of joy came when I was.  I felt the weight of the blessing that they would be. 

And in that moment, there was no greater joy.

Then I threw up.  Then some months later on, I labored for them and delivered them.  I watched 2 of mine stay in the NICU. 

And I finally felt the excitement of taking each of the 3 of them home…what massive joy!

Then she/he would.not.stop.crying.  My boobs were constantly needed.  There was poop.  There was spit up.  There was pee on my bed.  There was more poop. 

And there was rolling over, then crawling, then walking…so much joy!!

Then there was baby food.  And stains.  There were snacks.  And there were crumbs.  There were just SO many crumbs.  And there was laundry.  There was just SO much laundry.  And there were books to read.  There were just SO many books to read.  And they were stupid books. 

And then there was a first word…such a sweet joy!

Then there was the rest of the housework.  And dinner needed to be made.  And groceries needed to be bought.  Somebody got a fever.  And we were out of coffee. 

And in this moment, I can’t feel the joy.

What an ebb and flow!  Mothers have an immense (no exaggeration) job.  It practically takes a genius to do what a mom does…really…to manage all that she manages takes some real intelligence and gumption.  She is a supreme juggler.  She wears many hats.  And if she tells the truth, sometimes, she feels like a captive in the beautiful mess of her life.  And then His mercy flows in, and joy comes.

“This I recall to mind, therefore I have hope.  The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  ‘The LORD is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I have hope in Him.’” (Lamentations 3:21-24)  There it is, y’all.  Right in the middle of an entire book of pitying in their circumstances, the people rejoice in Him because His mercy is new everyday and because His lovingkindess isn’t ever going to fail!  Woohoo!!!

So, momma’s, take heart.  Today will end.  And tomorrow will come.   It will be a new day.  Look for His mercy.  It will be there and it will be new.  Don’t let a day pass without looking for that breath-taking moment where God gives you that glimpse of His never-ending love…because it is there.

And, momma’s, don’t miss the chance to show His mercy and love to your babies, your adorable little captors.  Because each wipe of a snotty nose, spill, or bottom, every cuddle, every book read or song sung, every dust-busted crumb is a demonstration of God’s great mercy and love in the life of your child.  Motherhood is not about being held captive, it’s about serving.  Serving Him by serving these others in your home.  And though I know we know it, our motherhood is far more than mere home management.  It’s a mission field.  It’s being a missionary to a new and unreached people group.  Our very own people group.

So, sweet sister, “[do not] lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” (Gal. 6:9)  And if you’re starting to feel weary, as any mere mortal might, remember, we serve a great and mighty God Who always leads us in triumph, Who does not grow weary, and Who gave us our babies. Rest there, my friend. 

Though motherhood may be entirely different than I ever thought, I realize the great calling that it is in my life.  Motherhood, thankfully, is not for wimps, it’s for those brave enough to entrust their children’s young lives to the God Who knit them together.  What a relief that He cares more for them than I ever could! 

Let me take this last moment to tell you one more VERY important thing.  My kids rock!  And being their mommy is one of the greatest joys of my life.  The reality of motherhood is hard, but so amazingly rewarding.  My babies are such precious gifts, and I am in no way at all trying to say I wish that my life looked any different than how it does right now…even with the massive pile of laundry waiting for me to fold it! 

Living with Purpose at 31

Well, today is my birthday, and as is typical on birthdays, I am another year older.  I’m 31.  And, really, I’m ok with 31.  I have the most amazing husband.  I have the most amazing children.  And as I think on my life, I really love the station that I am in.  Wouldn’t change a thing about it…except for maybe my 2 year old jumping on the big boy potty training wagon a little easier!!!  (But, he’ll get it!  No pressure!)

But this morning in my quiet time, I was asking God that I would live my life with greater passion for Him in my 31^st year, that my choices and desires would be a pure reflection of my love for Him.  I want to see things the way He sees things.  And I want to love the way He loves.  And I want to say what He says.  I just want to be all that He has created me to be, living life in Him to the fullest!

And then I was sort of struck with a strange idea:  what if all Christians lived like that?  What if all of us (believers, that is) loved Jesus passionately…completely abandoning the love of self, money, status, [insert a jillion other options]…what if?

And then it hits me…the question should not be “what if,” it ought to be “why isn’t it?”  Why isn’t this true of believers?  Why is it that I get so distracted by things all around me…mundane things…that I fail to live like He has called me to live.  I don’t mean that I’m out doing huge, wild, crazy sinful things (I’m just trying to do the laundry), but the horrid news flash to my heart is that “whatever is not of faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23).  How many things each day do I do that are of Jane, not of faith in Him?  My reality is way too many.

The truth is, I’ve been saved long enough that I can produce lots of shiny, lovely, godly looking choices.  I can choose things that would never allow you to see that, at times, the only change happening is external change, not internal.  I can change my behavior, and I can fool you…easily.  I can volunteer for things at church, I can make food for someone in need, I can buy groceries for the food pantry, I can write a note to a friend, I can tell you that I’ll pray for you, I can toss out well-known and often misused Scripture, I can even share Christian blogs on Facebook.  But none of that means anything.  A lost person could do all of that stuff.  But somehow in America, all of those holy duties are the very things we’re expecting our fellow believers to do!  Those are the things “good Christians” will do.

But the real key here is not behavior modification.  It’s heart modification.  That is always the answer.  The Christian life isn’t about doing one thing and not doing another.  The Christian life is meant to be all about being.  It’s about what you are.  Yes, there is a turn from sin (i.e. behavior), but that turn originates in the heart.  When we get saved, it’s not that our behavior changes…I mean, it will and does, but only as a result of our having been changed into something new.  We, at salvation, become an entirely new creature…the old passes away and the new comes (2 Cor. 5:17).  Jesus replaces the dead heart of stone and gives us a heart of flesh that His law is written on (Ezek. 36:26; Jer. 31:33)!  Hence, the change in our state of being dead to a state of being alive in Him produces godly behavior, but it’s not the other way around. 

So often, I see blog posts shared on Facebook that talk purely about behavior change as if that’s going to make people truly whole and better and right and pure and holy and like Jesus.  However, things like not watching Downton Abbey, or not ever having a drop of alcohol, or refraining from ever entering a Starbucks again are not the solution for Christians seeking to live more like Jesus.  Walking by faith isn’t about avoiding sinners; it’s about being light in the darkness.  And any faithful behavior we “do,” is to immediately draw attention to Christ, not us.

When our hearts’ eyes are truly fixed on Jesus (Heb. 12:2), He allows us to see our own sinful selves and our own inability to pull off the Christian life.  And, the best part, is that He shows us all of His ability and sufficiency.  He is enough.  I’m not.  The rest of that verse about fixing our eyes on Jesus, mentions that He is the Author and Perfector of our faith.  He begins it all in us, and then He’s the One Who sees it through.  God is big enough and capable enough to handle all the behavior modification necessary in me and you and everybody else in the world.  God doesn’t need me to blog or share blogs. He doesn’t need me to help Him point out sin in every Facebook member.  Folks, people are vulnerable enough to read every single “Christian” post shared and then to try to pull off some major changes in their life.  And that’s not how either conviction or sanctification work. God doesn’t need me or my help or my good intentions at all.  But He chose me to love Him.  And He loves me.  I don’t deserve it even a little.  The only good I produce ever on my own is filthy rags…it’s all got to be about faith in Him.  The world doesn’t need more rules.  The world needs to know it can’t keep any rules ever.  And the biggest shocker of all:  the world doesn’t need to know more about Jesus.  The world needs to know Jesus.  We have to stop screaming rules at everybody, and just lift up Jesus.  He’s it, y’all.  He has to be the love of our lives, so people can see HIM in us.

Before you get mad and rake me over the coals about people’s blogs or Christian service, let me say a couple of things.  One, I know I’m writing a blog, and I am not always opposed to them.  Here’s why:  I’m all for believers equipping other believers to live in a way that most glorifies God.  I’m all for accountability.  I’m all for encouragement of the saints.  But, I am completely against Christians trying to take on the role of the Holy Spirit in each other’s lives.  That’s not our job.  The Holy Spirit does His job well and successfully.  Also, to make massive statements like “don’t watch a certain tv show” and trying to make it applicable to all Christians is out of line, I believe.  Again, the Holy Spirit is great at convicting each believer specifically.  What may be sin to one is not necessarily sin to another, and it’s His place to lay all that out, not ours.  (The exception here is if it is something specifically mentioned in Scripture…say drunkenness or adultery or something like that.  There is a time, a place, a way for sin to be confronted in a brother, and it isn’t Facebook.  God’s Word lays out how to approach a brother in sin.  See Matt. 18:15-17.)  And two, I am in no way trying to say that Christians don’t have things to do…we do!!!  Scripture is very clear about lots of things for believers to act out.  God has specific works that He has planned for each of His children to do.  Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”  So, let’s get busy with that stuff for sure!!!!

So, what’s my point?  Love Jesus.  Live to love Him more.  And when you love Him more, you’re gonna keep His commandments, not out of compulsion or guilt, but out of love, out of a complete life-changing heart transplant.  Faith without works really is dead (see James 2:17).  But works without faith is just busy-ness.

One Christian's Take on Halloween

The debate among Christians over Halloween seems especially intense this year.  Some stand firm believing that to go trick or treating is to teach your children to worship Satan, and others stand firmly stating that there’s no harm in a little costume and candy.  And, even though I am completely certain you don’t need another opinion on the subject, I’m about to give you mine!

Here’s my thought. There are some things in Christendom that must be adhered to by the whole group of us, the Church. For instance, Jesus is the only way to peace with God, Jesus is God, Jesus was born of a virgin, Jesus lived a sinless life, Jesus rose from the dead, etc.  And if you notice a theme here, Jesus is at the root of it all.  He is the deal breaking issue.  You can’t get Him wrong.  Jesus matters. However, there are other things that we, as believers, can differ on (for instance, sprinkling or immersion for baptism).  I hold to one view, but if you hold to the other, we can still be brothers/sisters in Christ.

In the same way, I think peace can be found in the topic of Halloween.  There have been times in my life that God was convicting me, personally, about something specific…something that He wasn’t necessarily telling some one else.  There was a lady in my Bible study class one time who said that God was showing her she needed to stop coloring her hair.  My response?  Well, ok!  And I was thinking, “You do that, and I’ll still be highlighting my grays away!”  Why?  Because God didn’t show me to stop getting hair color…He showed that to her.  Maybe for her, continuing to color her hair would end up a stumbling block toward vanity.  I sure don’t know.  But God does.  And as His kid, I know He’ll be the one to specifically reveal sin to my own heart as I need it, which is daily because I’m just a flawed sinner saved by His grace!   

And in the same way, I think that God lays things on our hearts as parents that He desires we implement into the lives of our kids.  I believe that He is the One enabling us to train up our children in the way that each of them should go.  Sure, there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors, but we better be careful who our counselors are.  I don’t need a counselor who will only tell me their personal opinion about an issue, say Halloween, for instance.  I need a counselor to point me to the Word, showing me what God has to say about the matter.  I think we need to let our brothers and sisters off the hook regardless of the hill they choose to stand on when it comes to the great Halloween debate.

So, here’s the Word for ya.  1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable.  All things are lawful, but not all things edify.”  So, here’s the deal from where I sit…we need to back up off each other.  It’s lawful to trick or treat.  It’s also lawful to skip it.  It’s lawful to give out candy and share the gospel with each little goblin on your doorstep (or not).  It’s also lawful to share the gospel at each door you stand on waiting for your treat (or not).  Here’s what’s not ok:  It’s not ok to get in each other’s faces, judging a decision that God has led them to make for the good of THEIR family.  I know we know it, but it’s so hard not to force something that God has laid on our hearts on someone else, as if God is telling them to do the same thing!  I think Christians sometimes have a hard time with this.  We are, most likely, just trying to encourage someone to a godly life.  And yet, what we are actually doing is trying to play the part of God, calling others to the life God has called US to.

So, what should you do about Halloween?  I sure don’t know.  Pray about it.  God will show you what to do for your family.  But here are some tips for a happy, peaceful Halloween:

          1)  Pray about it.  You can’t get God’s heart on the matter unless you’re listening to what He’s saying to you.  So, go and listen…with a willing heart.

      2)  Consider that even if it’s lawful, it still might not be best.  Remember our verse says, that even though things are lawful, not all things are profitable and not all things edify.  That means that everything isn’t going to be best for you and your family, even if it isn’t sin. But this is something, at the risk of sounding repetitive, you’ll need to go to God about!

3)  Don’t flip out over somebody else’s decision for their family…even if it’s your best friend.  You’re not the mother in her home and she’s not the mother in yours.  God gave YOU your babies and HER her babies, and they won’t be raised exactly the same.  It is OK if you do this differently.  It really shouldn’t be a deal breaker for your friendship.

And on the other side of that coin, don’t take it too personally if someone hasn’t read this blog and they still criticize your decision for your family.  Just let it go.  It’s really gonna be ok.

      4)  Some people will make a choice this year that is different from last year.  And that’s ok! Feel free to even make this decision on a yearly basis. Kids grow and change and that will play a part in the decision making process for each family.  Try not to set up expectations for your friends on this each year (and re-read this at Christmas, because I think it’ll still apply).

     5)  Christians “celebrating” Halloween should look different than the world celebrating Halloween.  We are in the world, but are not of it.  So, let’s remember as we choose costumes and our home’s outside decorations, that the world is watching us…and we really should look different. 

     6)  Use Halloween as an opportunity to teach and point your kids to Christ.  This is really the most important tip.  We’ve got to use every opportunity to share Jesus with our kids because the world is so great at telling them everything else!

Those are just the tips that popped out off the top of my head!  I’m sure there are others!  And now, because I feel like I owe it to you after bringing all this up, here are our plans for the night:  My kids are dressing up, we’re going to enjoy a family dinner, we’re buying the kids a bag of candy, and then we’re taking our kids to Disney on Ice (which I realize is a whole other topic for Christians to debate).  We have reasons for not trick or treating, one being the fact that my kids find no humor AT ALL in being scared…but who knows what next year will hold.  What I know is that today, this is what God has led us to do.  Enjoy today, doing what God is leading you to do!  Happy Halloween!

I Can Feed Monkeys With Jesus, Right?

I suppose there is a great irony in that my blog is called Raspberry Road and it seems like I’m always writing about the Raspberry’s being on the road.  Ok, actually I only wrote one other one about when we were travelling.  But truth be told, I really feel like every time we take a trip with our kids, I end up learning some spiritual life lesson…and, as you probably could have guessed, today's blog is about my most recent one!

“I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.”  (Phil. 4:13)  Great verse.  You know it.  You’ve got it written on that sticky note on your bathroom mirror. You have heard it literally a million times.  And you’ve probably heard it used most frequently when someone is about to go bungee jumping, or sky diving, or monkey feeding, or something sort of ridiculous.  I’ve even heard it used among Christians in basically the same context as a football player smacking a fellow player on the behind as if to say, “You can do it!!”  And bear with me, I’m just gonna throw this out there…but that’s really not what Paul meant at all!  If you back up a moment to get the context of the verse, you see that Paul says, “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:11-13) Paul isn’t saying I can bungee jump because Jesus makes me strong enough to walk off a cliff, or I can jump out of a plane because Jesus makes me strong enough to open my parachute, or I can go to the jungle and get close to wild animals because Jesus makes me strong enough to hand food to an ape, or even that I am able to do anything at all ever because Jesus makes me strong. No.  The point here is that we, like Paul, can live lives of abundance and peace regardless of the circumstances around us, and that, only because Jesus is our peace and our joy and our hope and our confidence and our steadfast One.

This passage had been circling through my mind for days before we left on our trip.  We were heading on a massive cross country trip to see family, and while we were on the way home, I became aware of how tired I was, how tired my husband was, and how tired my kids were.  You know that moment when everyone is just a little snippy and short with each other?  Oh, we were there.  And we were stuck in our car.  Together.  This was not my happy moment.  And then, to make the circumstances outside our car more like the circumstances inside our car, it started to rain.  I don’t mean sprinkle.  I mean deluge.  I mean the traffic that had been travelling at 75 mph, suddenly slowed to 25 mph.  I was not happy at all.  It was 9:00 at night and we were over 120 miles from our stopping spot near Atlanta, which had our hotel, already reserved and paid for.  It became absolutely apparent that we were not going to make it to our destination with 3 little ones (aged 4 and under) to that hotel room, to OUR hotel room.  Now, I was very unhappy, very discontent, very grumpy.  So, we stop.  And, we pay for another hotel room.  The next morning, with everyone feeling slightly less grumpy, we hopped in the car and headed to Atlanta…all we wanted to do was see the aquarium, stay Saturday night at our hotel, go to church as a family, and finish our drive to home sweet home.  It sounds so nice, doesn’t it?

Well, the aquarium was insane…really great and very impressive…but so busy you could not walk 3 feet without bumping into someone.  The hotel room, which we should have already been in on Friday, was flooded when we woke up Sunday morning…like, major flooded (due, of course, to the rain which had stopped our traffic the night before).  Church was a nice reprieve in the midst of our chaos.  And then as we’re finally getting on the road to head out of Atlanta, our traffic, once again, comes to a standstill due to an important muckity muck travelling through and needing to get to the airport…his name was Barack Obama.  Then once the president’s massive traffic halt abated, you’ll never guess, but it started to rain…again.  Sheesh.

At this point in my life, I was having an internal argument…the me in Christ vs. the me in my flesh.  The me in Christ said, “Jane, remember to count all these various trials as joy!”  To which, the me in my flesh said, “Shut up.  Absolutely not, you idiot.”  And then, you know that moment when God gently whispers to your soul and you have a dual response of saying, “Yes, sir” and “oh, I already knew that”?  That’s exactly what happened to me.  What God said to my heart stung, and I felt embarrassed.  How could I be so silly?  His words were the very words He had laid on my heart before we even left for our trip.  Here’s what He reminded me, “Not that I speak from want, FOR I HAVE LEARNED TO BE CONTENT IN WHATEVER CIRCUMSTANCES I AM.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”  Oh.  The secret to being content in every single stupid circumstance is resting in Him.  He had prepared me for the chaos of that trip by laying those verses on my heart before we ever left our home, and yet, in the middle of my frustration, I flat out chose to ignore Him.  How silly.  In the midst of rain, to ignore the maker of it…who does that?!  Me.

But, I believe I am not alone in working through this.  Job did.  And he too, concluded that God was steadfast and good regardless of the circumstances.  At one point, Job even asked his grumpy wife, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”(from Job 2:10) I don’t know what your circumstances look like, whether you have much or have little, whether you are sick or healthy, or whether you are even happy or not.  But in any case, God is in charge.  He’s in total control.  Your circumstances aren’t catching the Maker of the universe off guard. And the answer to having great joy in the middle of whatever life looks like is simple.  It’s Jesus.  It’s just Jesus.  Simple in concept, but hard to actually live out.  On the rest of our way home, my heart-cry was, “…you can have all this world, just give me Jesus.”  And, hopefully, the next time I’m stuck in a torrential downpour, I’ll stand, joyfully trusting the boss of the rain who strengthens us as we wait in Him.

And the Crown Goes To...

It seems like this week I’ve been in a perpetual argument with myself.  To be the holiday queen or not to be the holiday queen, THAT has been my question.  So, here I sit.  I’ve come to my decision. think I’ll pass on the holiday royalty.  It’s just too much. 

At the end of last week, I had my “to do” list made.  I was ready.  We would be busy, but no one should worry because I had it all under control.  Birthday parties, church, Awana, school, and school parties, teach, clean house, catch up on laundry, make the last run to Sam’s…It was completely do-able.  But, then, all of a sudden, life happened.  Chloe got sick.  We had to miss church.  Caleb got sick.  I got sick.  Sick.  Sick.  Sick.  And even as I cough as I type, I am sort of sickened even by the idea of everyone being sick during the holidays.  For heaven’s sake, not during the holidays!!!! 

And then I hear myself.  “For heaven’s sake”????  Seriously?  Who do I think I am?!  I know that EVERY good and perfect gift is from above, from my heavenly Father, Who knows how to give very good gifts to His kids.  So, now I have a choice to make.  I can wallow in my sorrow over a lack of Martha Stewart-ism in my Thanksgiving or I can rest in my sovereign God.  And, guess what?    I think I’ll rest.  By being sick, He gave me special, individual time with each of my kids.  Precious, priceless snuggles that, in all my bare honesty, would not have happened if I were still in operational holiday mode.  And, that is something I am very thankful for.  Some things matter.  Some things don’t. 

And, truth be told, I don’t think God is concerned this Thanksgiving about how the well the turkey gets brined or roasted or fried.  I don’t think He is concerned with our table settings or how many pumpkins were used to make the house festive.  I don’t think He is concerned how quickly the tree goes up after the big turkey dinner is over or how well we nap or how the game goes.  I think our Father desires that our focus be on Him.  I don’t even think He wants us to focus on the gifts He’s given.  Goodness knows, we’ve all been blessed far beyond measure and have much to be thankful for.  Our families, friends, homes, food, and a million other things are all way more than we deserve.  I think He desires that we focus on Him, the giver of all the things we have to be thankful for.  He gave.  He provided.  He healed.  He ________ (you fill in). 

Were we to pause and think on it, I know we would find that His goodness is completely overwhelming.  So, in this moment, I affirm with those around the throne, saying “’Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever.  Amen.’” (Revelation 7:12)   

And, of course, I’ll still try to accomplish my list of stuff to do, but I think I’ll stop sweating it and enjoy the day.  Some things matter, and some things just don’t.  And the holiday queen crown goes to…not me.